Tuesday, March 9, 2010

I'm Still Here

It has been a while since the last time I have come on. I don't know how many people are following this or have given up, but I am still here. I am still battling my own beast and living with the side affects of the battle. If you have the same, you are not alone.
Sometimes I get tired and don't feel like doing anything. I sit, doo only what I have to do, and then do nothing else. I get behind in my correspondence as well as my writing. I have been thinking of and praying for all others who have or are battling the beast, cancer. Last week I heard about a woman who is in a fight for her life. I feel so helpless to send comfort to her or give any to her brother who told me of her. I don't kow if any of my poetry or thoughts could bring any comfort. It did shake me up to continue this blog and to promise myself that I would make entries every Tuesday if I can.
My wife's God-daughter gave birth to a beautiful baby boy last November. We have seen pictures of him and sen what he has done for this woman, her husband, and their families. Many times I have thought about my battle with cancer and complained and people have said, "At least you're alive." Many times this is not a good answer for me. The problems the fight causes aren't magically sent away by those words, "At least you're alive."
I am thankful that I am alive. My consulation does not come from just being alive, but what I have in my life. What I have and what makes it worth living. Seeing this woman who has grown from a child to become a wife and mother. To see the spiritual growth of the children I teach at Church and to know that I have helped them in their journey with God. The joy I have when composing poetry and saying something in the way I want to say it.
Living the best way you can is another way to defeat the beast. To do all you can to be fully alive is a very important weapon. All of us who are battling can take hope in the fact that we haven't dispared; that we are living for all we have. When I was first told I had cancer, the grandmother of my wife's great neices was also suffering, and was expected to die at anytime. We are close to that family and one of the main reasons for my fight was that I didn't want to put the burden of mourning for me on them. It was one of the lights at the end of my tunnel for survival. With the help of God, I made it.
I guess what I am saying is that there are many reasons to fight and battle the beast. The greatest reason to fight is for the people who love us. Believe it or not, there are those who love you. Your life with them, with all of us is a blessing. Do it for them as well as yourself.

When in battle with the beast,
When in the midst of the fight,
I look for a reason to continue,
To stay away from the white light.

People who love me are the ones
Most affect by my victory or defeat.
They've given me everything I have,
Through them I am compleat.

If I have a reason to fight,
To win the battle I'm in,
It's to stay with the ones I love,
To fight each day for them.

1 comment:

  1. Barry,
    We both have battled the beast. We both have won. But, the battle never ends. You cannot quit. You cannot say you are too tired. You have to keep going. You have to be "The Little Train That Could". You have to push, to fight, to keep going, and take those around you with you. "Can't means Won't"...